lillilou's Blog

Well, Today i stopped a relationship that was not right today.I done it! A bit sad. But i know it was the right thing to do in my heart.I Had wrote a poem about my love for this man and this is what it says..........................................

I've never felt a love like this before

It's a love like no other, something I've always hoped for

A love with friendship ,humour and heart

A bond so strong, It'll never part

A love that makes you smile, from ear to ear

A love that is joyful, without any fear

A love that is beautiful, inside out

A love with no tears,pain or doubt

A love with soul, so tender and true

A love that i found only with you

I have the faith in the universe that it will all fall into place.Sometimes you just know if it feel right with a person and this did, i had just wished it had been in different circumstance.

But of all i feel very proud of myself for doing the right thing.

Why are there so many sad and lonely people out in the world.

Well,I havnt been on here lately but nothing has changed since my last visit .Im still lonely,sad and anxious.Living in the same house with someone you do not want to live with is so so very hard.Im still waiting for my home and the arse is still giving me abuse everyday it just feels like im going to explode.I need some good laughter and company and some frigin good sex!

 I met a women via a  business-related meeting.She had a fascinating career background,which included being manager of a prison complex in australia.She had been placed there to restructure and change the culture of the prison.What astounded her most was that the majority of the staff- the guards of those incarcerated-were only there for the money.They were not  pursuing a passion to assist and help others.There appeared to be no commitment to service or humanity and she found that,in many cases,they appeared to be in as much emotional pain,if not more so,than those they were there to guard and protect.End result?Too often she found that their unresolved inner child wounds were diverted, maliciously or otherwise,to the prison inmates.Now,roll forward to today,2008-12 years later.I still hear people say,with anger in their voices,that prisoners deserve all the punishment they recieve in jail,they get it too good and the whole judicial system is soft,corrupt ect. As a compassioate society,surely we need to start looking at how we treat our" emotionally hurting" brothers and sisters,for isnt that the description,on some level,for most of these so-called criminals?Take for example,a teenage boy of 17,who was convicted of assualting an elderly woman for her pension money.The boy had been living on the streets since he was ten.He himself had been molested many times and,consequently,become de-sensitised to the pain of another.By the age of 17,he had a comprehensive criminal record.He had been in and out of youth detention and was now heading for the big time-adult incarceration.Give him 5 years in jail and what do you think he may become?Perhaps a master criminal,for where do you think he can beat learn his trade?I STILL BELIEVE,IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING,THAT PEOPLE ARE TRULY GOOD AT HEART"Now go forward to 2013,and what may we possibly recieve upon his release?A young man of 22 who has become and angry,bitter and jail hardened criminal,perhaps a potential murderer,whose original crime was stealing food at the age of ten when he ran away from home.He was no longer able to bear the bashings and inhumane behaviour directed towards him by succession of his mother's boyfriends.From age 10 onwards no one realy cared enough to listen to him and find out what his needs were.And yet too often,as society,we will say he is not fit to live and work amongst us.So what is my point,you may well be asking?As long as we see prisoners as noncitizens,as long as we allow bullying behaviour to be their guards rather than caring people to be their guardians,then we will simply keep perpetrating that same story.When we take a person's freedom away fom them,we must ensure we give them something in return,and the only worthwhile gift we can give is rehibilitation and caring guardians.If you disagree with any of this story please think a little further down the road as to our "ceative" future.Firstly,the reality is we are building more jails-both in australia and overseas.Secondly,one day all these so-called criminals will be walking amongst us again.I,for one,would like to see them having regained their dignity,their sense of purpose in life.Yet so often they are recieved  by mistrust,fear and suspiciaon from the broader community.Even being able to rent a home/or find aa job upon their release is fraught with so much red tape and difficuly.Is it any wonder the re-offence rate is so very high?Rehibiltation in prisons is slowly becoming the norm,however it is still that slowly.We must neverforget that the majority of people in prison will one day experience freedom again.They will be living,loving and working alongside allof us.If we do not show compassion,humanity and understanding within the rehilbilitation  process now,then we,as peoples of the world may well experience the result of our judgment.The societal mind,the communal thought process therfore must also be willing to undergo rehibiltation.We need to understand and accept that,sometimes,human nature,for whatever the reason,is stretched beyond the levels of emotional endurance.Ultimately,there comes a time when forgiveness is the only pathway to effective changge and that in  itself takes courage.Courage to look at the problem,find the soloution and then actually implement it.Violence begets more violence;caring,compassion and non-judgment is the only way our global community can ultimately survive.I personally do not believe anyone is born a criminal;each hardened criminal was once a tiny,helpless,innocent child.I do, however,believe society can-by ignorence,blame and dumping-create the environment for the problem to manifest.The african saying "it takes the whole tribe to raise a child",is so very true.As always,it is up to us-andeach single one of us can make a positive difference in our own way. We ae either part of the soloution or part of the problem.It has been said that children are our planets richest resource and we need to value each of them,to assist them.This can also be said of the small inner child within.Many of us come from some sort of dysfunctional background;and it is a rare person who does not have a wounded - child aspect.The following words therfore may well ring true for us all...

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

If a child lives with criticism,they learn to condemn

If a child lives with hostility,they learn to fight

If a child lives with ridicule,they learn to be shy

If a child lives with hostility,they learn o feel guilty

If a child lives with tolerence,they learn to be paient

If a child lives with encouragement,they learn confidence

If a child lives with praise,they learn to appreciate

If a child lives with security,they learn to hae faith

If a child lives with approval,they learn to like themselves

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship,they learn to find love in the world

Oh and one las saying,this time from Hopis;"As we heal ourselves-we heal five generations back".

The year is 3,150BC and egypt is unified under the sovereign rule of king menes.An initiate in the high mystery school of Unantep is about to undertake their final exam.As they are led into the central chamber of the great pyramid,an air of silence and deep reverence falls upon the initiate.They step into the stone sarcophagus,aided by the high priest and priestess of unantep.The lid is closed.All is dark now.The ultimatetest of truth has begun.For three days and nights the initiate will remain encased in their stone abode, journeying to the stars and underworld of all imagined self-fear.It has taken years of preperation to arrive at this point.Hand selected for their apitude of spirit and strength of thought,the initiate has endured years of schooling in the university of the soul.All rests upon this final step.If successful the initiate will become a walking,enlightned link to the divine.However, if unsuccessful they will surely remain forever lost,in self created labyrinith of madness and fear.Fast forward to th year 2008,five thousand one hundred and fifty eight years later.A modern day initiate in the mystery school of life is also about to undertake their final exam and delve into the dark night of the soul.However,this initiate has undertaken their study in a far removed manner from the nitiate of old.This initiate lives in modern day city or town,much like your own and their great teacher doesn't belong to a secret,exclusive high orderof divine wisdom is none other than the accelerated pace of everyday life in the twenty first century.Their teacher is demanding, intense and yet all loving.Their teacher will never leave or give up on them."Who is this initiate?I hear you call."They feel so familiar to me."Why of course thi initiate does,for it is you!We live in a very special time for life on this planet.At no other point in our known chronicles have so many people populated the globe at the same time.There are more people inhabiting our earth today than there ever has been in the sum total of our entire existance as an earth community.In days of old,we didn't have the opportunity we have now of experiencing initiation on a daily basis.We had to learn about the laws of the universe in special schools,of which only the already aware person was accepted.This left the majority of people out in the cold on universal wisdom.They were given little stimulation in their daily lives and this gave reason for them to feel much in awe of those who were selected to enter these mystery schools.This way of thinking still exists today with many modern day spiritual and wisdom schools creating an air of exclusiveness around coming into their fold.However, it is time for us to realise we no longer need to enter an exclsive mystery school in order to be ordained a high initiate in the mysteries of life.We now have the opportunity all around us in each moment to tap into the universal font of all knowledge. Initiation is happening to each one of us right now if we are only to realise it.We are all undergoing transformation of our inner and outer worlds at lightning pace.So what is this elusive initiation process and how do we recognise it when it unfolds in our own lives? Firstly let us understand that in order to reach our inner oasis of divine truth we must also confront with courage the darkest recesses of our soul.Quantum physics knows that nine tenths of our universe is invisible,dark matter holding the other one tenth together.Illumination comes to us not only when we are focusing on light, but also delving into our own dark.Imagine that the world around us is holding up a mirror with two sides to peer into.One side is full of lightand positivity and it feels good to look at this view.There are no flaws evident,a picture of perfection,yet we know that we are hiding parts of ourselves.Now we turn the mirror over and look at ourself from the perspective of the dark.What does this look like? It may feel uncomfortble,irritating or even downright painful when we let our hidden past and truth out of the closet.Yet this is what true initiation is al about.It deals with confronting the totally of "all" of who we are, what we have experienced and are experiencing in our personal journey of life.

MY DAILY INITIATION CHECKLIST INCLUDES THE FOLLOWING;

* The world around you is a reflection of you,all of you.

*Where we find joy and are uplifted we recognise and connect.Look for daily moments of beauty.Pause at them,close your eyes and breathe in the loving feeling to your heart.

*Where we see sorrow and feel pain we also recognise and connect.The problem bgins when we only look for the joy and light and we ignore the dark.Acknowledge your flaws daily.When they are shown to you through the words and actions of others,give thanks.Then close your eyes and breathe,love into your heart.Even if you can't imagine the feeling of love at accepting these flaws, just use the words "Welcome,i acknowledge you"

*The initiate confronts,embraces and transmutes their fears by walking through them everyday.Don't lie to yourself.Be honest.The truth shall set you free.Don't turn away from your pain.Embrace it, so it can be released.Raise it up and out through dacing,writing,singing,yelling,sounding,drawing,talking,crying,whichever way feels best for you.

Each moment in this eccelerated scientific and spiritual age we live in is an opportunity to be shown who we really are.The true initiate confronts their own pain daily so that when they look at a world around them in dissaray by unleashing their own fears upon it. It takes courage to walk the path of self-truth, but only this path produces great elevation of spirit. Mysteries are only mysteries for as long as we don't acknowledge the mystery that is labyrinith of your soul today and welcome to the initiation of life.

Once upon a time, we say when a new story crosses our lips.We pull them out of the void and share  them with each other as a way of sharing understanding and important information.We convey much to each other about love, honesty,depravity, cold-heartedness, sensitivity,levity,humor, lust,ambition,level-headedness, sensibility,humility,all of the great human attribues, and their lowly counterparts.We do this because we believe it is right and necessary. The next generation must know what we have learned, and they in turn, will pass on what they are learning now.The succession of knowledge passed from one hand to the next,across the milliniums.across all cultures,lands us here today where we stand right now.And where is that?It is right smack in the middle of no-where","yes No-where"!Why? Because, we lost something along the way.We lost our connection to the human spirit.When we lose sight of death, we lose sight of life.We cannot understand one without an appreciation of the other.And life is only life when death is in the balance, otherwise, we are topsy turvey, turned upsidedown and without a rudder.Simply put, we are lost!And that is where we are right now.We have no rudder and we are scrambling to find our way out of the chaos.Drugs, alcohol,gambling, and so many other addictive substances/ activities have been the road well travelled by many.Love and hate play themselves out regularly in this theatre.Love and hate are those classic themes of myth and poetry.They get all tangled up in this arena, because they are substitutes for something."For what,you ask? For an "informed life" is what! An "informed life" is filled with spirit,with meaning and direction.Addiction means loss, inepitude,dissatisfaction and fear-lots of fear.And when there's so much fear about, then we feel we must numb out. Numbing appears as the only way when spirit is not available.But then this is where a healing journey can begin, one that leads back to spirit,of course.All healing back to spirit, or "home"if you please.All healing journey's are quests"They represents the quest of a hero to be precise, one that is played out in a new format-a new mit,which we will call the path' Of recovery"This is it in our modern times.The hero" journey is the "healing journey" and millions of people are on it worldwide.They are twelve stepping,reviving themselves in seminars, looking for truer ground through theropy or group work,seeking their inner self while venturing forth into the darkness of their existance.This is a true heroic journey.And who said we couldn't find a living,breathing myth in todays culture? This is the path of the wounded man and the wounded women,the traumatized child,the confused adolescent,the abandoned wife.There are so many variations you can't count them.But are they heroic?Ah,yes-they are truly so -heroic indeed!There is no doubt of that.Just ask someone who is on the path,one who has travelled some distance there and has disabled some of their formidable demons.Ah yes,the path of "Heroism"is clearly in evidence today. Shopping malls are filled with people on a heroic adventure. "How's that",you say? They are filled with people in search of themselves,looking for something that will make them bolder,braver,stronger,more willing to confront life.But these malls are also filled with numbness.The same adventurers  who are seeking the fame and fortune of their "truest selves" are crossing paths with people who are avoiding life while filling themselves with food, or clothes,or some other distraction,hoping for a miracle to fill their empty hearts.Hearts that could be filled with spirit instead,filling themselves with haberdashery,the goods and services of 1001 merchants eager to please an aching population.Interesting places these malls are.Not so long ago they were stuffed with camel driver and silk traders.Tomorrow,or next week,you'll pick up your dry cleaning just before setting off to the moon for that long awaited getaway.What does this have to do with heros and heroines?They are born here in these hallowed malls of industry and commerce.They are born here because, inevitably,wherever people gather is where one confronts themselves-whatever you see in them is a mirror to your own self.All persons are mirrors to each other,and malls offer the largest,most multifaceted mirrors of all.They are today's watering holes,town plazas,bazaars ect.They are the sin qua non of human existance,offering a glimpse of every possible reality you can imagine.From the poorest to the richest,from the gross to the sublime,with every possible variation in between.You can imagine just about anything in these malls and it,he or she will likely show up.Just try it sometime and see for yourself.See what you can learn about you!For now,we will limit ourselves to this mirroring aspect.This is where heroic journeys begin.Somewhere,somehow,something has to strike you,has to reflect something about your life,of course.And usually that jolt of recognition will take place in mirroring eyes of another.All eyes are mirrors,to your soul and theirs.Oh,don"t you worry;they are looking at you for the same reason,to see what you can teach them about themselves.Then there is recirocity,give and take,which is the nature of life.There is no giving without recieving.All cycles have their counterpoints,which keep them in balance.As soon as you know this,you've got something.An important fundamental fact,that the Earth is an ever expanding,ever evolving series of cycles,points and counterpoints,played out in the macrocosm and microcosm,in your life and mine.Yes, we interrelate,like it or not,we all affect each other in some imperceptable way.But nevertheless,these are significant ways,because we are each a turn in this eternal web,and our turn sets someone else in motion and so on.We influence each other and we need each other.We need ourselves  too,in very significant fashion,more so than many of us realize.It is this lost self we are after.That is our goal as aspiring heros and heroins.We are on a quest,to our selves,our real selves,our sacred selves.That's why so many of us have taken the healing journey.It is the only way back that we can find at the moment!

I heard something today that gave me goosbumps of the god kind . Some-one gave random people $100 each on the streets. People who they though could use the money.What a thoughtful soul.Could you imagine if all the people in the world that were living quite comfortably gave in compassion like that.That is a world i would like to live in.No starvation, no greed . I just cant help but feel sad to know that people in the world a starving.There is no excuse for it , there is plenty of food in the world to feed evreyone.I wonder when it started ,that we should have for food the one source that every human and animal needs to survive on this greedy planet.Some people on this planet get far too much, why is it that their has to be rich and poor when we are of one.No-one is better than anyone else.We are not supposed to judge ,but how can we not when everything is rated.I know there is opposites in everything why cant every human being have the same all the luxeries there is out there in the world.If Some people get paid an overated amount of money that is just plane greedy i you ask me.If these people could only see the devistation out there in the big wide world and showed an act of kindness like i heard today the world would be a beautiful place.

NOT A SOUL HUNGRY WOULDN'T THAT BE BEAUTIFUL!

Well today i felt inspired, hopeful . I made a few friends today on ep and i think i am going to make some lasting frienships , i really enjoyed it today . Thanks everyone.

Well the movie was great my youngest enjoyed it very much.Its so good to remember your child hood , sometimes i wish we could start over. There are a few choices that i have made in my life that i wish didnt happen not all, but a lot.

today im taking my youngest to see high school musical three , she is so excited i have forgot how it feels to be young with no worries and just having fun . It should be fun .